The Postpartum Special
We all know the pregnancy symptoms, we all had apps simultaneously telling you how dismal its going to get towards the end. But what we don’t always think to google is the postpartum symptoms. Now i’m not talking the 6 week symptoms (Chinese burns, sweaty bettys, toilet worries, sleep deprivation and hormonal hell (you know, I know you know)) i’m talking about the long game… let me share with you my ten 6 months postpartum myths, truths and lessons learnt
1. IT DOES GET BETTER When the exhaustion of the first trimester hit me I was told by my friends that I would feel much worse after a few months with a baby…. But I can offer you some light at the end of that bleak morning sickness tunnel… nothing, I mean nothing can feel worse than the first trimester, the fog, the exhaustion, the utter inconceivable tiredness. So actually 180 days of broken sleep is nothing in comparison to propping my eyeballs open with match sticks for 12 weeks
2. WHO INVITED COUSIN IT The funny thing about pregnancy is it gives you some major highs as well as pitiful lows, namely stunning hair. Mine took a little while to get there but in the end I was flying high and whipping back and forth like I owned the joint. Problem with hair highs is the inevitable hair loss. Delayed postpartum hair loss is a bitch. I believe the delay has something to do with breastfeeding, so it snuck up on me a bit, but once in full flow I was like cousin ‘it’ at a Veet party, shedding hairs with every swish, brushing the locks outside as to not clog up the hoover, and pulling hairs out of nappies, mouths, and food on a daily basis
3. OUT OF THE FOG For this one we need an ‘amen’ can you give me an ‘amen’ because hallelujah honey…baby brain is not forever (sort of) My baby brain pregnancy fog is just about lifting… ok I’m sure the sleep deprivation doesn’t help but I’m telling you, my brain has not functioned this well since march 2016… so if you have suffered from the fog as badly as me don’t worry you do get some of your brain back. (Don’t forget I said it ‘sort of’ and ‘some of’, but any improvement is an improvement right?)
4. WE CAN STOP RELAXIN’ NOW The ‘Relaxin’ hormone is a good one, something we all need to push the baby out… so we all needed that bad boy in our life’s, but what I didn’t know was it sticks around for up to four months after you finish breastfeeding… cue aching limbs, loose hips, sore knees, dodgy backs… basically all the pregnancy niggles without the excuses.
5. HOWS YOUR FATHER (Father if your reading please skip to point 6) soooo… crazy as it sounds you might find some time to ‘have an early night’ but guess what once you find the time, and you have the energy, and the stars and moon align, and the baby is asleep, then nature strikes again, because while the urge might be there mother nature is telling you not to bother, after all you’ve got one to look after, why would you want another one. Which brings me on to point 6
6. JUST ONE MORE Broody – sorry, yep you heard me right… people told me that getting pregnant after having a baby was not going to take much more than sharing a toothbrush, but what I had never even considered is that I might actually be craving after the sleepless nights, leaky boobs, ear piercing screams and picking nappy cream out from under my finger nails. He’s barely able to sit ad i’m all like ‘oh look at that tiny baby, I want one!’
7. THEM BONES I knew that the stretch marks wouldn’t disappear, and I knew the jelly belly would take time to subside, but what I didn’t know was that my bones would not go back to there original place with any speed… wider hips, bigger pelvis, and expanded ribs… mean that not only do the pre-pregnancy clothes still not fit, but they may never fit again.
8. WHAT I USED TO SAY once upon a time, when I didn’t have my own child, I was all like, ‘i’m never putting him in front of the tele, all his toys will be made of ethically sourced wood, jumperoo’s are bad for their development and everything he eats will have passed 17 rigorous organic food tests… yea, that was before I had kids. I will now happily give him any old cracker in his plastic jumparoo in front of the tele so I can get the kitchen tidied
9. THEY WERE NOT LYING I have heard all the rumors about your pelvic floor giving out after you’ve had a baby perhaps, but of course I assumed as a women who has practiced Pilates, yoga and ran a pre pregnancy sub 30min 5k… well I thought this would not be me… oh how wrong I was – the pelvic floor should never be taken for granted, no you should not lie to the health visitor about doing your exercises, and yes you should do them at ever opportunity – do them, do them now – right now!!
10. POO – YEP WE ALSO TALK ABOUT POO its not exactly postpartum but what would be a top 10 without the mention of the number one topic of conversation at dinner time. Poo… of course I thought waiting for a 10 day poo was a toughy, but to be honest, breast milk poo is pretty unoffensive compared to what we are dealing with these days. Because once you introduce solids, we are in a whole new world of poo… not only are we getting a wonderful three poos a day, but we are now dealing with poo. Just poo, like real adult poo. Like disgusting, smeared all over the place, front to back, don’t sniff too hard poo.
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